We are pioneers, we are.
We are some of the first people to explore a way of being that is not premised on survivalism as our operating principal.
For generations, people have been choosing their career path, their life partners, their ways of being, based primarily on what put food on the table.
It didn't matter how one felt about how one survived. All that mattered was staying alive.
But a new way of being is taking root, one that is premised on authenticity above all else.
We are beginning to insist on living from our truth, choosing our path and our connections from the soul outward.
This is why its so damn difficult.
Torn between the mantras of 'Grin and Bear it' and 'Be who you really are', we have one foot in each world, not entirely rooted in either.
No wonder so many path travelers are in a state of confusion.
We are saying goodbye to unhealthy connections while still lodged in a duty-bound culture.
We are crafting a new, true way of being while carrying the shaming conditioning of the old world.
We are laying down new tracks without a single footprint to follow.
This is a profound consciousness shift on this planet.
We are pioneers, we are.
Pioneers of truth.
WE ARE LOVE.
But we can turn into
if we forget this
for too long.
Remember who you are.
Trauma really does confront you
with the best and the worst.
You see the horrendous things that
people do to each other,
but you also see resiliency, the power
of love, the power of caring,
the power of commitment,
the power of commitment to oneself,
to the knowledge that there are
things that are larger than our
And some of the most spiritual
people I know are exactly
traumatized people, because they
have seen the dark side.
In some ways, I don’t think you
can appreciate the glory of life
unless you also know the
dark side of life.
(Bessel van der Kolk)
I am not afraid
of my truth
and I will not
to make you
No matter how toxic your parents might be,
you still have a need to deify them.
Even if you understand, on one level, that your father was wrong to beat you, you may still believe he was justified.
Intellectual understanding is not enough to convince your emotions that you were not responsible.
Most of us were raised to believe
that vulnerability is the gooey centre
of the hard emotions that we should
work full time to avoid feeling, much
less discussing (even when our
avoidance causes us and the people
around us pain) - emotions like fear,
shame, grief, disappointment, and
But vulnerability isn’t just the centre
of hard emotions, it’s the core of all
emotions. To feel is to be vulnerable.
Believing that vulnerability is
weakness is believing that feeling
And like it or not, we are emotional
beings. What most of us fail to
understand, and what took me a
decade of research to learn, is that
vulnerability is the cradle of the
emotions and experiences that we
Vulnerability is the birthplace
of love, belonging and joy.
Why a daughter makes excuses
for her mother’s treatment:
It is less scary to believe
you are unlovable than it is to
admit that the person who is
supposed to love, protect and
take care of you won’t.
If there is one thing I've learned in
thirty years as a psychotherapist,
it is this:
If you can let your experience happen,
it will release its knots and unfold,
leading to a deeper, more grounded
experience of yourself.
No matter how painful or scary
your feelings appear to be,
your willingness to engage with them
draws forth your essential strength,
leading in a more life-positive
The most expeditious way
to get past an unpleasant
is to embrace it and
to fully feel and
When you can‘t look
on the bright side,
I will sit with you
in the dark.
Tell another human being
they are amazing today.
You never know when such
a simple thing can save a life.
Go all out. Go all in. Use your heart.
Sometimes kindness creates magic.
The real hopeless victims of mental illness are to be found among those who appear to be most normal.
Many of them are normal because they are so well adjusted to our mode of existence, because their human voice has been silenced so early in their lives that they do not even struggle or suffer or develop symptoms as the neurotic does.
They are normal not in what may be called the absolute sense of the word; they are normal only in relation to a profoundly abnormal society.
We‘re all just a bunch
of weirdos trying
to figure out what
the fuck we‘re
We‘re all crazy
and we‘re all
Some of us are just
more honest about it.
My people are the ones who
stay up too late, feel deeply,
laugh loudly, and who have no
interest in hiding their strangeness.
We recognize each other.
The big horrible thing isn’t the
plane crash or the earthquake
or the diagnosis.
When those things occur,
we act, we know what to do.
We live or we die.
Hell is what we do in the meantime.
It is the ways we starve our souls
as we prepare for the future that
never comes as planned.
The true disaster is living the life in
your mind and missing the one
in front of you.
You change the world
by being yourself.
We will never get back the life
trying to be normal.
It’s true: people can change.
People can learn, grow, and
surprise you. But if someone
does the same thing, over and
over again - if they keep hurting,
disrespecting, or disappointing you -
it’s time to accept the way things are
and ask yourself if you can really
live with this. You can’t make
someone change their pattern if
they’re not willing or ready, but
you can stop participating in it.
it is no mystery
that those who endure
the most pain
are the strongest people
on this planet.
when hardship comes early,
it molds us,
the pain thickens our bones,
our marrow now golden plated
and lion tough.
i ask every one of you,
may we always stay strong,
through the loss of love and family,
through sorrow and depression,
through the waves of imbalance,
may we lean on each other,
our shoulders a pillow for
we are all in this together.
whether we choose to believe
that or not.
Wounds don’t heal the way
you want them to, they heal
the way they need to.
It takes time for wounds
to fade into scars.
It takes time for the process
of healing to take place.
Give yourself that time.
Give yourself that grace.
Be gentle with your wounds.
Be gentle with your heart.
You deserve to heal.
Things your inner child might
love to hear:
“Play a little longer!“
“I see you and I love you.“
“You are so, so deeply good.“
“It’s okay to share your feelings with me.“
“I will always be here to comfort you.“
“It’s okay to get it wrong sometimes.“
“You are allowed to be happy or sad,
you are allowed to feel it all.“
“I’m so glad you are here.“
What matters most is
how well you walk
through the fire.
If you’re working through something,
notice the way you tell your story.
Are you a storyteller who presents
the facts and details? Or do you feel
into your story, acknowledge the pain,
and witness the experience?
When sharing yourself intentionally,
pay attention to whether you’re
present and connected or if you’re
disconnected, distracted, or
disassociated from it.
As uncomfortable as growth may be,
squeezing into spaces you‘ve outgrown
is even more uncomfortable.
The feeling of aloneness is the hardest feeling for all of us to feel. It causes such deep pain that we all work hard to protect ourselves from feeling it.
When parents and other adults reject, shame, abandon, and abuse us as children, the pain of their abandonment is so unbearable that the Inner Adult disconnects from the Inner Child so as not to experience these feelings.
Then the Inner Child not only feels alone and lonely in the world, but feels alone and empty inside as well, with no one inside to protect it from being hurt by others.
As we grow up, the abandoned Inner Child learns to project onto others the internal experience of abandonment.
(Erika J. Chopich)
In today’s world, a war has
been declared against feeling.
Today, and for as long as it takes,
I ask you to stand with me on
the side of feeling.
ANGER: THE EXTRAORDINARY FIRE INSIDE
Anger is not dark. Anger is not dangerous.
Anger is not unspiritual. Anger is not ‘bad’. Anger is not a sign of our lack of evolution.
Or our failure. Or our lack of insight, peace, enlightenment, maturity, health. Anything.
Anger is simply fire.
Fire can burn.
Fire can cleanse.
Fire can illuminate.
Fire can heal.
Anger is a real and valid emotion, billions of years old, intelligently rising in the body to protect us from a real or imaginary threat. Wanting to set boundaries. Ready to say no. Willing to stand up for our values. Yearning to be heard.
Anger is not the problem.
Anger is not inherently violent. It is in our REACTION to our anger - that is where the violence begins.
When we repress and reject our anger-power, when we stuff it down, refuse to feel it or even acknowledge it, hide it in order to be ‘nice’ and please and impress and protect others. When we attack and hurt others in order to find relief from our anger. When we judge and shame and rage and manipulate and try to control others - what they think, what they feel, what they desire or do not.
Try to make them feel bad. Punish them. That is where the ‘darkness’ lies. In the reaction to our anger. In our search for discharge. In our running. In our disembodiment. Not in the anger itself.
Anger is only energy, fierce and powerful energy arising in the body, not a sin or an ‘unspiritual’ force to be eradicated, but a creative and fiery expression of life itself.
Anger is simply a raw part of us asking to be met. With understanding. With compassion. With love. With slowness. With breath.
Some of the most violent people I have ever met have been (on the surface) the most ‘spiritual’ ones - the enlightened ones, the gurus, the perfect ones, the ones who ‘never get angry’, the ones who are ‘always peaceful and calm and in a state of perfect love and equanimity’, the ones who ‘dwell in pure Awareness’.
For there is no true love without love for our anger, when it comes to visit. True light is willing and able to enlighten the shadow, and bless the mess.
Anger is not inherently dark.
Anger is not dangerous.
Anger is not unspiritual.
Anger is not ‘bad’. Or shameful. Or sinful.
All these outdated beliefs stem from a profound fear and misunderstanding and distrust of the body.
We can undo the conditioning:
Next time anger surges, as it will, can you slow down, connect, breathe, feel, breathe again, and get curious about the fire inside?
Underneath your anger, you may just discover, a tender, fragile, frightened heart, a beautiful vulnerability, and a self-protective power, billions of years in the making.
The most important thing any
parent can do for their child
is work on themselves.
The right people will
The others probably
No matter what you say.
I’m never gonna wait
that extra twenty minutes
to text you back,
and I’m never gonna play
hard to get
when I know your life
has been hard enough already.
When we all know everyone’s life
has been hard enough already
it’s hard to watch
the game we make of love,
like everyone’s playing checkers
with their scars,
whenever they get out
without a broken heart.
Just to be clear,
I don’t want to get out
without a broken heart.
I intend to leave this life
there’s gonna have to be
a thousand separate heavens
for all of my flying parts.
Forget about enlightenment.
Sit down wherever you are and listen
to the wind singing in your veins.
Feel the love, the longing, and the
fear in your bones.
Open your heart to who you are,
right now, not who you would like
to be. Not the saint you’re striving
But the being right here before you,
inside you, around you.
All of you is holy.
You’re already more and less
than whatever you can know.
Breathe out, touch in, let go.