what i’m leaving in 2019:


self-doubt, negative self-talk, self-sabotage, 

shrinking for the comfort of others, settling, 

fear of vocalizing my worth, 

one sided connections,

wasting time.


(Alex Elle)









We intellectualise how we ‘feel’ so much,

we forget that our feelings are actual

feelings felt in our body.

Tuning into our body, our stomach,

our heart, our head, are absolutely

essential for attuned, nurtured healing.


(Chanelle Sowden)









Life changes every minute of every day. You lose friends. You gain friends. You realize your friend wasn’t ever really your friend, and that person you used to hate can make a really good friend. You look for love. You find love. You lose love. You realize all along that you’ve been loved. You laugh. You cry. You laugh so hard that you cry. You do this, you do that. You really wish you hadn’t done that. You then learn from that and are glad that you did. You have your ups. You have your downs. You see good movies. You see bad movies. You wonder if your life is just one big movie. You look at others and wish you were them. You then realize who they are and are glad that you’re you. You love life. You hate life. In the end you just find yourself happy to be living life, no matter what’s thrown at you.


(Mandy Hale)









Some days 

I am more wolf 

than woman

and I am still learning 

how to stop apologizing 

for my wild.


(Nikita Gill)









Healing comes in waves

and maybe today

the wave hits the rocks


and that’s okay,

that’s okay, darling


you are still healing

you are still healing.


(Ijeoma Umebinyuo)









When I give, it does not come with strings.

I’m not keeping track of what you owe me.

When I give, I choose to do so

without ulterior motives.

I give because I know what it’s like

to be without.

To long for and be ignored;

to speak and not be heard;

to care for and have nothing returned.

When I give it’s because I know

the value in what I have in my heart.

And I refuse to let the world stop me

from sharing that.

But when things start being taken for granted,

when you no longer appreciate my sincerity,

I won’t switch, I won’t get angry,

and I won’t be spiteful.

I’ll just get smart, and change your role in my life.

Because when I give, I’m all in.

But when I’m done, there’s no turning back.


(Rob Hill Sr.)









Things to not do this holiday season:


- choosing to spend time with family

at the expense of your mental health & sanity


- forcing yourself to go to any family events 

that you don’t want to attend


- doing things you don’t want to do & 

being around people you don’t want

to be around for the sake of “tradition“


- laughing off Uncle Jim’s mysognistic & racial slurs


- acting like we’re all a “family“ when there’s 

an elephant taking a shit in the room 

that no one wants to address


(Emma Zeck)









In Iceland,

books are exchanged

on Christmas Eve,

then the tradition 

is to spend the rest

of the night reading

and eating chocolate.

That sounds

absolutely perfect.


(Brooke Hampton)









things you never need to feel

guilty about:


believing in yourself

expanding into your potential

letting go of what lowers your vibration

knowing your worth


(Spirit Daughter)









- The Welcoming -


Let yourself relax into this moment.

Let yourself be held without any need to hold yourself up.

Let yourself meet the unknown.

It’s OK. It’s a place we don’t have to know with our mind.


What if there were angels all around you and you just couldn’t see them?

What if there was a love so vast that you could never be apart from it?

What if it was impossible for you to go anywhere where this love could not find you?


You are entering the Beauty not far from your heart.

It’s a place that embraces you as you are.

I trust that you will be met by a welcoming presence that knows you, and that meets you with a deeper love than you have ever imagined in this world.


May you know, without any doubt, the precious gift that you are.

And may you be welcomed by a presence so loving that all fear subsides.


(Michael Stillwater)











The holidays can be so beautiful. They can also be tough. For me, the past week has been full of as much pain as transformation, and it's reminded me that the holidays aren't happy for everyone. 


Some of us are going through something tough, but we can't go through it freely because there are too many people around us. Some of us are alone, but we would prefer to have someone there. Some of us have traumatic memories associated with holidays, and the scars open up each time the occasion rolls around.


If that's you today, just know you're not alone. You're a human being, and that means there will always be some suffering mixed in with your joy. These moments are tough, but they're also opportunities to look within, to support yourself, to learn about what you need in tough times.


If you need space to heal, how can you respect your needs as much as you respect other people's expectations of you? If you're alone, how can you be a kind, loving friend to yourself? If you're feeling pain, how can you channel your emotions into art, into healing, into transformation? How can you honour what you're going through instead of trying to push it away? How can you not only survive but also thrive through this?


For all of you out there struggling right now, I won't say, "Happy Holidays." I'll say this: "You matter. You're not broken. You're stronger than you think." Don't forget.


(Vironika Tugaleva)









There are people

who dislike you

because you do not

dislike yourself.


(Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie)









There is often a close relationship between emotion and physical sensation. 

Physical sensations in the body often co-occur with feelings. 

Moreover, sensations of tightness and tension can develop as a defense against feelings. 

As unexpressed feelings accumulate, a greater degree of muscular tension is necessary to keep them under wraps. 

A child who is repeatedly punished for emoting learns to be afraid of inner emotional experience and tightens [armors] the musculature of her body in an effort to hold feelings in and to banish them from awareness. 

Holding your breath is a further manifestation of armoring. 

It is an especially common way of keeping feelings at bay, as breathing naturally brings your awareness down to the level of feeling.


(Pete Walker)









It took me a long time to realize 

that not everything in life 

is meant to be a beautiful story. 

Not every person we feel something

deep and moving with 

is meant to make a home within us, 

is meant to be a forever. 

Sometimes, people come into our

lives to teach us how to love; 

and sometimes, people come into our

lives to teach us how not to love. 

How not to settle, how not to shrink

ourselves ever again.

Yes, sometimes people leave - 

but that’s okay, because their lessons

always stay, and that is what matters.

That is what remains.


(Bianca Sparacino)









The truth often makes 

people who live in denial 

highly uncomfortable. 

It mirrors back to them 

something that they are

unwilling to accept or 

do not like in themselves. 

Tell it anyways.


(Emma Zeck)









Soul work is not a high road. 

It's a deep fall into an 

unforgiving darkness that 

won't let you go until 

you find the song that 

sings you home.


(McCall Erickson)









If you prefer smoke over fire

then get up now and leave.

For I do not intend to perfume

your mind's clothing with 

more sooty knowledge.


No, I have something else in mind.

Today I hold a flame in my left hand

and a sword in my right.

There will be no damage control today.


For God is in a mood

to plunder your riches and

fling you nakedly into 

such breathtaking poverty

that all that will be left of you

will be a tendency to shine.


So don't just sit 

around this flame

choking on your mind.

For this is no campfire song

to mindlessly mantra yourself 

to sleep with.


Jump now into the space

between thoughts

and exit this dream

before I burn 

the damn place down.











Stereotypes aside, here are seven authentic signs of the free spirit:


1. You’re a rebel and non-conformist

2. You’re an innovator and dreamer

3. You thirst for truth

4. You have an inner “BS” detector

5. You welcome challenge

6. Your heart is your compass

7. “I will not be enslaved” is your unconscious motto


I’ll go more into depth below:


1. You’re a rebel and non-conformist


By nature, you’re a non-conformist. 

You don’t like walking the path other’s set before you. You want to trailblaze your own destiny. 

You instinctually fight against anyone’s attempt to put you in a box, contain you, suppress you, silence you, or numb you.


2. You’re an innovator and dreamer


As a free spirit, you’re not afraid to let your mind wander to new horizons and realities.

You have big ideas that may sound far-fetched or bizarre to others. 

Being rejected for your goals, plans or inventions is a big thorn in your side. 

Others can’t seem to get on the same page as you! You’re a visionary who always enjoys finding new ways of doing things differently than others.


3. You thirst for truth


How can a person be free when they’re living a lie? Or believing lies? 

In your heart and soul, you long to find truth, both in everyday life and metaphysically. 

The old aphorism “the truth shall set you free” is something you carry deep inside your heart. You are willing to be wrong and are open to many different explanations. 

What is most important to you is what is real.


4. You have an inner “BS” detector


Part of that thirst for truth is the desire for authenticity - in yourself and in others. 

You can smell bullshit from a mile away and it disturbs you. 

How can you (or others) be free when deception and phoniness are running rampant? You despise playing roles and putting on masks and you can’t be around fake people for very long before the desire to run for the hills bursts like a howl out of you.


5. You welcome challenge


Life becomes dead and stagnant when there’s no challenge. 

Although you may find it a bit scary and intimidating, being challenged is welcome by you as a free spirit. 

You know, deep down, that to be free from inner and outer oppression you must grow.

And to grow, you must be challenged. 

You don’t seek comfort or complacency. 

You seek to feel and be alive. 

You seek to transform into the highest version of yourself possible.


6. Your heart is your compass


Your heart is your compass and you direct your life accordingly. 

This doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re reckless, but it does mean that you’re always striving to do what you love - because when you accomplish this, you feel free. 

Furthermore, you don’t just let what you’re passionate about sit on the back burner or fizzle away into oblivion, you find some way of incorporating it into your life. 

Even if you have abandoned your passions, you become passionate about trying to reconnect with them. You want to live a life that you love and offer something to the world that you truly believe in.


7. “I will not be enslaved” is your unconscious motto


As a natural rebel, you seek to remove beliefs, ideologies, habits, careers, and people from your life that cause you to feel oppressed, and therefore enslaved. 

You do this on both a physical and a metaphysical (or emotional/mental/spiritual) level.


You are attracted to people and paths that encourage the growth of your passionate spirit. You refuse to be tamed by the opinions or desires of others. You may be perceived as selfish, but deep down you know that you must respect and love yourself in order to share your gifts with the world.


If the beliefs, habits, and traumas within YOU are the source of your own suffering, you’ll try your utmost to free yourself from them. You realize that in order to be fully free, you must be comfortable and at home within yourself.

Therapy, self-exploration, inner work, and spiritual practice will all be methods by which you seek to liberate yourself from suffering.

Being a free spirit will become less about traveling the external world as it will be about traversing, and mastering, the inner landscape.


(Aletheia Luna)









Honor yourself and your journey 

by building healthy boundaries 

in your life. 

Invite and attract an environment of

encouragement, love and support.

With a clear intention and love 

in your heart choose to no longer

accept toxicity. 

What you allow is what will continue,

so choose to say “no more”.

Release the energy vampires, 

the victims, the narcissists, 

the inauthentic, the doubters, 

the haters, the low vibrations, 

and all those who do not respect

your energy, your journey,

your growth, and your love. 

Invite vibrations and energies 

that honor you, respect you, 

support you, nourish you, 

and love you.

Attract what you deserve. 

Be love.


(Creig Crippen)









All truth passes 

through three stages. 

First, it is ridiculed. 

Second, it is violently opposed. 

Third, it is accepted as 

being self-evident.


(Arthur Schopenhauer)









The whole planet is riddled with misplaced aggression. It’s more popular than strawberry cheesecake. 

People are so overcome with repressed rage, that it simply has to leak out somewhere, often in the direction of innocents. 

Sometimes it comes through as physical violence, and more often in the form of emotional abuse, passive aggression, scapegoating and persecution. 

And none of this will change, until we learn how to deal with our unresolved emotions from an early age. 

Until society normalizes the sharing of our woundedness, and normalizes techniques for healthy release. 

Until we learn how easily humans are traumatized, and create conditions that prevent it. 

We do this, and we change the world.

We don’t do this, and we are doomed to destroy each other (and our planet).

Because all that trauma forces us to repress our memories and dissociate from reality. 

It compels us to choose paths that are not amenable to healing and wholeness.

It turns us into a splintered symphony of suffering. And in a splintered state, we can’t help but do damage to ourselves and others. 

To break the cycle, we have to get to the roots of our aggression: our unresolved pain and anger. 

We have to fully own what we are carrying. 

We have to heal this humanity.


(Jeff Brown)









We need more people 

who are willing to demonstrate 

what it looks like to risk and endure 

failure, disappointment and regret - 

people willing to feel their 

own hurt instead of

working it out on other people, 

people willing to own their stories, 

live their values, 

and keep showing up.


(Brené Brown)









Carl Jung said that if you find the psychic wound in an individual or a people, there you also find their path to consciousness.

For it is in the healing of our psychic wounds that we come to know ourselves...

In the evolution of consciousness, our greatest problem is always our richest opportunity. 


(Robert A. Johnson)









If you want to end 

your suffering

enter your pain.


(Robert Augustus Masters)











Be prepared. The minute you decide to be yourself, to heal and to allow your true feelings, it will be there: BULLSHIT.


It will be transmitted by family members, so-called friends, acquaintances, colleagues, therapists, doctors, pharmacists, pseudo-spiritual teachers and all kinds of people who feel provoked by your decision. 

They sense it in your presence, and it shows them what they lack.


In our society, it is normal to repress our feelings.

It is standard to play roles and put on masks.

The duties of an average life make it very difficult to get off the hamster wheel.

We can easily hide behind our busyness and all the distractions.

There seems to be no time and space to pause for a moment and sense into our body and heart.

But that’s a lie on a deeper level.


If we decide to live authentically and in resonance with our soul, to allow our vulnerability and face our wounds, things will magically start to change and shift; and we will find the necessary time and space.

Instead of putting our energy into toxic relationships, we will attract the right people into our lives: our tribe.

The universe wants us to be ourselves and to love ourselves; it wants us to feel and to heal. 

Everything else is BULLSHIT.


But those who have lost the contact with their own souls and hearts will try everything to stop you and to convince you that you should also continue walking the comfortable, trodden and “safe“ path.

Every single time you believe them and follow their messages, it will throw you back on your new, individual, and courageous path.


That’s why I am writing this text.

I have been thrown back thousands of times because I felt unsure and searched for validation and support where only BULLSHIT was offered.

It’s an inevitable and sometimes even necessary part of every journey, but I want to be the voice of love and confirmation who applauds you for your courage to be yourself and to allow your true feelings.

I want to strengthen your decision and offer some clarity about what’s going on. 

Please don’t give up and don’t believe them! 


You wouldn’t believe how much BULLSHIT I had to and still have to hear on my own journey, how many lies I had to bear, and how much subtle but also open condemnation and resentment I had to endure, only because I decided to heal.


It took me many years to really trust my intuition, my gut feeling when I listen to someone or read something.

After countless and hurtful dis-illusions, I sense now immediately if someone is really on the challenging journey of healing and integrating his/her wounds and walks his/her talk or if it’s just some kind of abstract construct with the ultimate aim of repressing the truth.


The term “Energy Vampire“ is no joke.

It’s a reality, and you have to protect yourself from them categorically. They don’t want your best.

You shouldn’t take this personally; it has absolutely nothing to do with you.

They just want you to be like them, fit in, adapt, to repress your feelings, and at the same time, they want to suck some of your precious awakening vitality.

Deep down inside, they are utterly terrified of being confronted with their unconsciousness, vulnerability, emptiness, and darkness.

However, their concept can be wrapped in a quite reasonable and seductive packaging, because they put all of their energy in it.


They will try to convince you that all this suffering you go through, all the darkness you dwell in frequently since you stopped repressing, isn’t really necessary and that there is an easier way.

This can be anything, from taking the right pills, changing your mindset, focusing on the positive things in your life, going to hundreds of doctors because it seems unbelievable that your pain has no physical reason, treating yourself with some nice little drugs and distractions, or simply finally “leaving the past behind you and pulling yourself together."

All this is complete BULLSHIT.


There are also better suggestions, which can, of course, help.

But they can never be a substitute for the real work of going through the transformational fire of our real emotions.

For example, it’s great to meditate, repeat affirmations, practice yoga, tap meridians, go for barefoot walks, start juicing and detoxing, receive some Reiki-Energy, get a wellness-massage and so on and so forth.

But be careful: as soon as someone tells you that one of these things can be “THE“ salvation from all of your suffering, then even this is complete BULLSHIT.

It creates the illusion that you simply didn’t get it yet but that there is an easy and comfortable way.


This is not true.

Healing from all kinds of trauma, self-discovery and self-realization are always challenging, difficult, and painful.

Anyone who says something else just hasn’t gone the whole way and is lying to himself.


The blah-blah messages, especially of the pseudo-spiritual community, seem to stem from an endless ocean of fake-gentleness, fake-positivity, fake-mindfulness, fake-enlightenment, fake-overcoming of the demonized ego, and other BULLSHIT, only to avoid the truth of what is.


Some years ago, I wouldn’t have been confident enough to say something like that, but now I am.

And that’s what it’s all about: be yourself, love yourself, trust in the self-regulating forces of your body and soul, allow your feelings, open your heart, be honest, live your truth and go on, through the darkness, through the suffering and the pain, even if it seems that it will never end.

That’s BULLSHIT: It WILL end. 

I promise you.


You will come out of this fire stronger and wiser and more compassionate and loving than ever.

You will still be on your never-ending journey, but it will be a less demanding one, and you will have the natural longing to serve others with what you have learned by your own real experience.

You will spread the unconditional love that you have found in your heart beneath all the layers of repressed pain.


Don’t believe the BULLSHIT.

Don’t give up. 

You are on the right track.
















Yeah, you're allowed to say

your childhood was fucked up.

You don't have to convince me

to believe you. 


I fucking believe you.


(Anne Carly)









If in early life 

you were betrayed 

by the people 

that were supposed 

to protect you, 

one of the most 

important things to 

practice is doing 

the opposite 

with yourself.

Bit by bit. 

Day by day.

One act of kindness 

at a time.

One boundary set 

after another.

All acts of self-respect 

repeated indefinitely.


(Chani Nicholas)









I like men

brave enough

to be vulnerable.


(Scott Stabile)









Growing hurts. It’s dark,

it’s dirty... it’s fucking hard!

But if you want the change, 

you’ve got to do the work.

There’s no way around it.

Face your shit.

Let it break you open.

Don’t run this time.

Look that shit in the face and

choose something different.


(Brooke Hampton)









You are a real thing 

in a world held together 

by thumbtacks and 

plastic people. 

You will struggle to be 

heard with your genuine

birdsong voice amongst 

the drone of machines. 

This is why you need to learn 

to amplify yourself, my love. 

The world needs more 

like you and it desperately 

needs your tragic, beautiful,

authentically human voice. 


(Nikita Gill)









Keep going. 

That’s all you have to do, ever. 

You really don’t have to be amazing, 

or fierce or beautiful 

or successful or good. 

Just keep going, please. 

Slowly is fine. 

Crawling is fine. 

No feeling is final. 

Except hope.


(Glennon Doyle Melton)