Family dysfunction rolls down 

from generation to generation, 

like a fire in the woods, 

taking down everything in its path,

until one person in one generation 

has the courage to turn 

and face the flames. 

That person brings peace 

to their ancestors and 

spares the children that follow. 


(Terry Real)









8 Things To Remember When Painful Feelings

Show Up


1) My feelings do pass, move, shift or change


2) I have felt painful emotions before


3) I’m not designed or meant to be happy

    all the time


4) I am enough, whatever feelings I’m experiencing


5) Feelings aren’t wrong or right


6) Judging a feeling I am experiencing 

    can make me feel worse


7) I can surrender & lean into the feeling


8) Feelings are messengers to me


(Chanelle Sowden)









No one tells you this,

but getting into alignment

with your inner being can

sometimes feel like

baptizing a cat.


(Michelle Kay)









When people find the courage 

to tell you about their pain, 

rarely are they looking for advice. 

Comfort? Yes. 

Affirmation? Yes.

Safety? Yes.

Advice? …No.

Or at best, rarely.



I believe the reason so many stay silent about their pain is because they don’t have a safe place to talk openly.

Digging at old wounds and bringing them to light is an incredibly vulnerable process.

The last thing someone needs after they’ve had the courage to do this, is for someone else to give them unsolicited advice.⁣

The energy that flows from a vulnerable soul who is sharing about pain is pure and beautiful.

The moment someone gives unsolicited advice traps the energy and pushes more tension back onto the vulnerable. ⁣

If you find yourself having a difficult time holding back your advice, take a deep breath and question what it is about their story that causes you to react.⁣

It’s modeled daily for us in our culture where someone is attempting to speak up, and cut off because the other person doesn’t have the space for anyone else’s story.⁣

In multiple occasions I’ve sat before those closest to me and said “If we talk about this I’m going to need you to let me finish without being interrupted, and please do not give me advice.“

It works every time.⁣

We need to do whatever we can to create healthy and safe space for those hurting to be speak up about their pain.

Being silent, and not offering advice, can often bridge the gap between that person and their pain.

For them to know that they’re safe, seen, and that what they shared was so impactful, that no advice is needed.⁣


(Nate Postlethwait)











- Want to be and are attuned to their children’s

  emotions: Children feel seen and heard.


- Allow their children to express emotions

  and encourage them to do so, 

  while managing their own emotions

  as an adult would.


- See their children as individuals and

  autonomous capable creatures.


- Hold realistic age-appropriate expectations of

  their children and encourage them 

  to explore and grow.


- Children feels safe, heard, seen, understood, 

  respected, encouraged and wanted.





- Do not and cannot attune to their children’s

  emotions because they are self-absorbed.


- Guilt their children for having emotions, 

  punish their children for having emotions

  or play the victim.


- See their children as pets, possessions 

  & prizes, often pit children against siblings

  or spouse.


- Hold unrealistic expectations of their children

  resulting in shame, frustration, and loss

  of self, resulting in dependency issues.


- Reject, withhold, dismiss, and resent 

  their children for becoming individuals 

  with their own thought processes.


(Lisa A. Romano)









More than anything, my wish for you is this: 

That when your awful darkest days come, 

you will know you're not alone. 

Pain will tell you to keep quiet, 

but that's a lie. 

Life is fragile and we all break in different ways. 

I hope you know you can be honest. 

I hope you know that you can ask for help. 

Did you catch that? 

It is absolutely positively okay to ask for help. 

It simply means you're human.


(Jamie Tworkowski)









Love is a constant process of tuning in, 

connecting, missing and misreading cues, 

disconnecting, repairing, and 

finding deeper connection.

It is a dance of meeting and parting 

and finding each other again.

Minute to minute and day to day.


(Dr. Sue Johnson)








Set your life on fire.

Seek those who fan your flames.











You don't lose real friends, 

real opportunities or real relationships 

when you start standing up for yourself 

and setting clear boundaries.


You lose abusers, manipulators, narcissists, 

control freaks, attention seekers and 

mental-health destroying leeches.


(Steven Bartlett)









We often disconnect from our bodies to survive 

the pain of physical and emotional trauma. 

This survival adaption helped us go to school,

work, and "go through the motions" of life.


But living in our heads only takes us so far.

We start to feel something is missing, 

run into relationship problems 

no amount of analyzing can figure out.


We need to reconnect the mind and body.

For it’s in the body that our history,

intuition, and truth live.


(Cassandra Solano)











"Healing means becoming someone new."




Sometimes, healing is less about becoming 

someone different and instead about making

more room for who you authentically are,

and always have been.

Oftentimes, healing is about unlearning everything

that was forced onto you and reconnecting with

yourself, your voice, and your values.





"If it works for them it should work for me."




What works for them might not work for you,

and that’s okay.

What works for others often won’t work for you,

because you aren’t the same.

You don’t have the same needs and values 

and struggles. You are your own person.

There’s no right or wrong,

just what works for and honors you.





"There’s something wrong with you if other people 

with your struggles are healing faster."




Healing has no time frame. 

It’s individual and not a thing you can compare 

because no two people have the exact same history, 

resources, and current context. 

Healing and progress take however long they take,

and you’re allowed to take your time.

You should take your time.

Building new behaviors will likely

take a long time too.

And that’s okay. It’s normal.





"Healing means you never experience negative

thoughts, hard feelings, or struggle."




Pain and struggle are an inevitable part of being

a human. The work isn’t about reaching some 

mythical place of non-struggle. 

It’s about learning how to sit with your pain 

and carry it, while still caring for yourself and

moving towards what you value. 

It’s about learning to slow down, become aware of,

and separate from your thoughts.

It’s about realizing that you have a choice in 

how you respond to your thoughts and emotions,

and responding from an informed place of choice

rather than an impulsive place of habit.


(Daniell Koepke)









It is a serious thing 

just to be alive

on this fresh morning

in this broken world.


(Mary Oliver)











Other people’s feelings are more 

important than your own.


Don’t show any emotions.


Don’t show anger. 

That’s only for dad (or mom).


Ignore how you feel.


Don’t trust your emotions or feelings.


Smile and be happy

when you are not.



Rules like these examples are often unspoken

until you break one.

Then you began adapting and shutting down

to stay safe.

How might you notice where you do that 

now in your own life?


(Tracy Principi)









Don't wish me happiness.

I don't expect to be happy all the time...

It's gotten beyond that somehow. 

Wish me courage and strength 

and a sense of humor.

I will need them all.


(Anne Morrow Lindbergh)









Forgiveness is always up to you.

The key is to remain authentic

within your own healing process.

No pressure to forgive and no guilt

if you choose not to.


(Jeff Brown)









And above all, watch with glittering eyes 

the whole world around you 

because the greatest secrets are always 

hidden in the most unlikely places. 

Those who don't believe in magic 

will never find it.


(Roald Dahl)









Go for a walk every single day.

You need the fresh air,

you need the sun,

you need to move your body,

and you need time away 

from the screen.

Walk every single day.


(Sylvester McNutt)









My sweet darling,

all these tears,

this hurt,

the pain in your heart,

do not fight it anymore,

it is a gift, you see, to feel this much

and even though it’s hard

it means you’re alive

with each of these tearful breaths gasped

your soul awakens,

more alive in the pain

than you were in the numb,

you are coming back to me now, my love,

lucid in this darkness -

so cry aloud,


and fall,

and I will be here waiting

to catch you

when the waking up is done.











Never apologize for who you are.

Your personality should never be shrouded

by what others expect of you.

Be shamelessly, unapologetically YOU.

You will find the world rallies behind those

who carve roads of their own.


(Beau Taplin)









Six year olds laugh

an average of 300

times a day.

Adults only laugh

15-100 times a day.

Be six again.



It has been a hard winter.

COVID rocked many of us to the core.

This winter broke my heart many times into a million pieces.

Yet, despite the pain, I consciously tried to find laughter every day.


I am a trauma therapist, and I am sure some people think I should be a super serious person. 

However, I am a person that tries to find the humor in life, even when things that are not so “funny.” 

Don’t get me wrong, I am not always a light and upbeat person and this year, I cried more than I have in 2 decades since 9/11. 

As a result, laughter was a resource that carried me through the tough minutes, hours, and months.


Scientifically, we know when we laugh in times of stress, it can build our resiliency.

So be six. Laugh as much as you can.

Life isn't always funny, but laughter can help get you through a lot of challenging moments.


(Susan Zinn)









Unresolved trauma can look like:


- Lacking intimacy and availability;

  relationships that never work out


- Feeling as though you have never or

  will never reach your potential


- Frequently talking to or thinking

  about yourself in a critical way


- Using sex, alcohol, drugs, exercise,

  food or relationships to self-harm


- Being trapped by shame, guilt and

  feeling that you are underserving


- Dissociation, self-abandonment,

  people-pleasing or codependency


- Playing small (not going after what 

  you want) or down-playing your success


- Struggling to articulate your needs

  and set or uphold boundaries


- Living in a state of hypervigilance and anxiety


- Having an internalised sense of inferiority

  and lack of self-belief


- Finding it difficult to listen to your

  mind/body and trust your intuition


- Feeling depressed, lonely, numb,

  like a child, without hope, unable to cope


- Staying with what’s familiar to you

  even though it is not serving you


- Perfectionism, over-working, unable to sit

  with your thoughts, insomnia


(Emmy Brunner)









Self-care can be grueling, necessary work.

It can mean processing trauma that

leaves you exhausted and raw.

It can mean staring down 

your fears in the night.

It can mean forcing yourself

to ask for help.

Be proud of tending to yourself

even when it’s hard and scary.


(Nanea Hoffman)









When we accept ourselves

as we are, 

we aren't "settling" or

"keeping the problem in place." 

We're showing love and

compassion for ourselves - 

for our feelings, our situation,

and our history.


(Nick Ortner)







EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) is a wonderful and very effective alternative treatment for physical and emotional pain and stress.

The good thing is that it always starts with sensing and acknowledging the real feelings, what we see as the essential condition for true holistic healing.

I (Alex) had an EFT-Therapist for several years, which has helped me a lot regarding the healing of my trauma, and we have now rediscovered it as a helpful & relaxing tool during this challenging time.

It soothes the nervous system faster than any other method that we know.

We use the app "The Tapping Solution" by Nick Ortner now. 

It offers a great collection of short guided sessions (about 15 minutes) on many different themes, symptoms, and anxieties.

It's totally easy to follow, so if you don't know it yet and resonate, just try it out... 

May it bring you peace, safety, and healing, too! ❤️




How to Tap -

A short introduction by Nick Ortner






If you surround yourself with clowns, 

don't be surprised when your life

resembles a circus.


(Steve Maraboli)









Don’t listen to those people who suggest 

you should be ‘over it’ by now. 

The people who squawk the loudest 

about such things have almost 

never had to get over anything. 

Or at least not anything that was genuinely, 

mind..soul-crushingly life altering.


(Cheryl Strayed)









5 Things Your Inner Child Needs To Hear:


"You are loved just as you are without

the need to please or perform"


"I know we had to betray ourselves 

in the past as a way to cope + now

I will protect our limits + keep us safe"


"Our reality is valid even if other people 

disagree with our reality or attempt

to deny it out of their own discomfort"


"It’s safe to be seen + heard + express 

our gifts to the collective"


"You have every right to be angry + hurt

that your needs weren’t met"


(Nicole LePera)









Just to sit, without expectation, 

with someone who is in grief 

or fear or loneliness or despair, 

without trying to fix them in any way, 

or manipulate their experience 

to match your idea of how it should be; 

just to listen, without playing the role of 

‘expert’ or ‘enlightened guru’ or 

‘the one who knows best’; 

just to be totally available 

to the one in front of you, 

and to walk with them 

through the fire,

to hold their hand 

when they are broken - 

this is how we begin to 

heal each other 

through love.


Beyond our roles, unprotected, 

unresolved, undefended, 

we truly meet.


(Jeff Foster)









Excuse me

while I color

outside the lines.

I've never been 

very good at 

staying inside 

of the box.


(Stacie Martin)









What would I 

choose for myself

right here

right now

if I had an 

unshakable sense

of my worth?


(Dr. Alexandra Solomon)








When we can bear the unbearable

when we do what we once believed was impossible

we begin to understand who we really are,

we begin to become free.


The most healing, game-changing moments in my life have always come from doing what I believed I could never do. ⁣

We 𝗰𝗮𝗻 change the game.

⁣Break the cycle.

⁣When we realise we have a choice.⁣

⁣When we stop giving our power away. ⁣

Because our power is in our ability to realise and actualise our own agency, from within. ⁣

To step outside of the constraints of identity, ego and fear and dip our toes into the realm of cosmic limitlessness⁣.

When it all feels too much, when we resist what is happening we disarm our agency - flailing we tumble and fall further and further down.

And trust me, I know it’s hard to actualise empowerment and choice when spinning so quickly downwards. ⁣

And there’s nothing wrong with decent, shadow and pain - but we suffer the most, and a lot of the time more than we need to because we have not fostered an inner relationship with our own agency, we have forgotten we have choice. ⁣

This is what makes us sovereign and empowers us:

the ability to realise and act upon choice. ⁣

When we consciously 𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘰𝘴𝘦 to enter into the void, to darkness and pain it’s a completely different experience to being swallowed by it unconsciously. ⁣

When we realise that on one level we are always choosing our experience, we become empowered to find meaning and acceptance, navigating our suffering wisely with meaning and grace. ⁣

We drown and suffocate in suffering when we resist our experience; when we believe we don’t have a choice. ⁣

We always have a choice and we are always more powerful than we believe we are. ⁣

What if you 𝙘𝙖𝙣 bear this unbearable thing? ⁣

What if you actually 𝗖𝗔𝗡 do this impossible thing? ⁣

And if that feels too difficult to believe... try saying to yourself ‘𝘐 𝘢𝘮 𝘰𝘱𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝙥𝙤𝙨𝙨𝙞𝙗𝙞𝙡𝙞𝙩𝙮 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯’⁣

I would argue 𝘧𝘳𝘦𝘦𝘥𝘰𝘮 𝘰𝘧 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 and a safe internal world is what we all really want and it comes from recognising our own abilities to break out of our moulds and conditioning into a state of potential, sovereignty and willingness to be and do all that we have learnt and feel is impossible. ⁣

(Zannah Merricks)