If pleasing others was a way
to keep the peace in your family,
the thought of setting a boundary
can feel destabilizing.
I tried to keep the peace in my family by...
I did this because...
I was afraid that if I didn’t what would happen is...
I have a hard time saying no because...
How that shows up in my present life is...
I’m afraid to disappoint others because...
This feels destabilizing because...
What I’m afraid might happen is...
It’s easier to sacrifice myself because...
Acknowledging this feels…
Moonlight floods the whole sky
from horizon to horizon;
How much it can fill your room
depends on its windows.
deep down in your cells.
you know the truth.
you are exquisite. and yes.
you are that powerful.
and it scares you.
I didn't leave because
I stopped loving you,
I left because the longer
I stayed the less I loved myself.
Your weirdness, your strangeness,
your ability to stand out
from the herd, is what makes you
so unique, so interesting,
and so ALIVE.
Find those who support
your right to be weird.
(Aletheia Luna & Mateo Sol)
May you allow yourself to receive,
even when doing so feels vulnerable
or comes with some discomfort.
May you remember what is true for
you amidst the continuous influx
of information from others.
May you let coziness be comfort,
and comfort be prioritized.
May you let yourself off the hook
from your own impossible standards.
May you listen to the compassionate
voice that inevitably exists with you
and slowly let that voice get louder
and louder, even when you might
not be used to honoring it
as valid and true.
May you honor the parts of you
that tend to get neglected or rejected,
knowing they matter, too.
May you feel the sting of
other people’s projections,
judgments, and criticisms just long
enough to remember they aren’t
yours - and then, may you
let them go.
May you forgive yourself for all the
moments you forget you own
belonging - for all the moments you
forget how inherently connected
you are to everyone around you.
May you honor your body’s cues,
even when those cues go against
your agenda, schedule, or plans.
May you embrace your grief
as much as you embrace your joy,
knowing both make you so deeply
human and both are necessary
Every morning you rise,
I want you
to remember this:
to be a part of,
and fight for,
because the world
will unlock hundreds
of doors when you
give this day
all the courage, love,
Most of us enter our relationships with low self-esteem, hoping our partner will make us feel whole and good about ourselves.
This is one of the major difficulties in relationships, expecting our partner to be responsible for our good feelings.
But it is only when we already love ourselves through loving connection with our Inner Child that we can truly love another by wanting to know that person and by supporting his or her growth and happiness.
When we do not love ourselves, we are threatened by the other’s growth. So instead of supporting them, we attempt to diminish and control them.
When we do not know and love ourselves, we fear rejection/abandonment and domination/engulfment by our partner and find many ways to protect ourselves from our fears.
A withdrawn or resistant person may touch off our fears of abandonment, so we protect ourselves by becoming controlling.
A demanding or controlling person may activate our fear of being engulfed, so we protect ourselves by becoming withdrawn or resistant.
We cannot give love when we are protecting ourselves from these fears.
In order to have loving relationships we must first explore our Inner Child and challenge our erroneous, self-limiting beliefs about ourselves.
Until we know that we are lovable, we will be dependent on others to make us feel good about ourselves, and will continue to fear being abandoned or engulfed.
(Erika J. Chopich)
the system does not want you well.
the system wants you helpless,
powerless, dependent, and afraid.
you feel these ways not because
there is something flawed with you.
there is something deeply flawed
and artificial about the society
we have created and are trying
to fit into.
If you are on your healing journey,
'I am not an empty shell.
I am protecting a pearl.
A mysterious sky.
A mesmerizing beauty.
Whenever you encounter someone
who’s trying to become a better person,
someone who’s learning,
someone who’s growing,
someone who’s living their truth,
and you’re not ready
to add value to their life,
please respect them,
their path, and their energy,
and just admire them from afar.
Don’t interrupt their becoming.
Don’t try to dull
their fucking shine.
My mission in life is not merely to survive,
but to thrive; and to do so
with some passion, some compassion,
some humor, and some style.
Learning the language of my body
is important. It tells me about
my needs and my insides.
It tells me about my environment
and my energy exchange with others.
When I ignore or silence this voice,
my body reaches out in whatever way
it can to get my attention…
often in increasingly dramatic and
The voice of my body will not
It is a force of nature.
So, I listen.
Authenticity is when you say and do
the things you actually believe.
Can the purpose of a relationship be to trigger our wounds?
In a way, yes, because that is how healing happens; darkness must be exposed before it can be transformed.
The purpose of an intimate relationship is not that it be a place where we can hide from our weaknesses, but rather where we can safely let them go.
It takes strength of character to truly delve into the mystery of an intimate relationship, because it takes the strength to endure a kind of psychic surgery, an emotional and psychological and even spiritual initiation into the higher Self.
Only then can we know an enchantment that lasts.
Children see magic
because they look for it.
Love me or hate me.
I don’t care. I really don’t.
And it took me a long time
to reach the point of
being completely unaffected
by someone else’s opinion about me.
It was hard work, but no one can
take that away from me now.
That soul work I did and all I’m still doing;
It’s mine. I own it. It belongs to me.
I belong to me and only me.
No one has the power to touch it,
take it, or even look into the way
I have rebuilt myself after
free falling for so long.
I am as free as I have ever been.
Powerful, brave, graceful and strong;
I did that and it’s beautiful.
No one has the power to turn it ugly.
My favourite people
are those with
and deep thoughts
and brave voices
and soft brows
and strong backs
and dancing feet
and colourful feelings
that will hold mine
when I need
a bit of reassurance.
Go back and take care of yourself.
Your body needs you,
your feelings need you,
your perceptions need you.
Your suffering needs you
to acknowledge it.
Go home and be there
for all these things.
(Thich Nhat Hanh)
I want people to step into their power
and to share their successes and
their stories of healing because
that’s how others know it’s possible.
People can heal. Even from the
most dire circumstances, people do heal.
It’s important for others to hear that
because it gives them encouragement.
You yourself are the eternal energy
which appears as this universe.
You didn’t come into this world.
You came out of it,
like a wave from the ocean.
You are not a stranger here.
Many of us feel uncomfortable revealing to others - and even to ourselves - what lies beneath the surface of our day-to-day consciousness.
We get out of bed in the morning and begin again where we left off yesterday, attacking life as if we were waging a campaign of control and survival.
All the while, deep within us, flows an endless river of pure energy.
It sings a low and rich song that hints of joy and liberation and peace. Up on top, as we make our way through life, we may sense the presence of the river.
We may feel a subtle longing to connect with it.
But we are usually moving too fast, or we are distracted, or we fear disturbing the status quo of our surface thoughts and feelings.
It can be unsettling to dip below the familiar and descend into the more mysterious realms of the soul.
In three words
I can sum up
it goes on.
There will be some who
greet you with garbage
even when you come to them
with the most beautiful bouquet.
They will insist that you explain
your light even when they can
see it clearly. Say nothing.
Smile and keep shining.
i can only
give to you
what i have already
given to myself
i can only
the world as much as
i understand myself
you and I
are not about poems or
other sentimental bullshit
but I have to tell you
even the way
you drink your coffee
knocks me the fuck out.
(Clementine von Radics)
You will die
a thousand times
before you wake up
feeling alive in
your own skin.
You will love all
of the wrong hearts
before you realize
the strength in
(D. Antoinette Foy)
A Wish for the Week Ahead
May you remain calm or at least quiet
when faced with a world that is full of
shouting and conflict.
May you remember that you know
who you are, may your heart be open
to what is trying to find you,
and may you allow yourself to
say no without guilt.
May your coffee be strong,
may your meetings be short,
and may all your LOLs be real.
When you fear the abandonment
by another, the probability of you
abandoning yourself goes up.
“If I betray myself enough,
then you won’t leave me.”
These word may never have been spoken exactly that way by you, but the message is often what is present when we fear someone abandoning us.
Wounded attachments from childhood are often where this programming has its origin story.
What must I trade in order to attach? In order to be enough? Chosen? Loved? What must I give away of myself to gain those things from you?
We seek what is familiar to our system, and we can find ourselves re-enacting the past.
Our system gets drawn into familiarity and seeks to recreate in order to find a different outcome.
Except, we can’t guide ourselves to a new outcome if we aren’t awake.
We can’t get there if we abandon or betray ourselves in order to keep another.
This work is HARD. Take a moment here.
What we’re communicating is that it is more threatening to be abandoned by another than to betray ourselves.
Our need to be chosen by another is superior to being chosen by ourselves.
We must journey back into our wounds, trauma, and story to inspect and unpack.
There’s work in our origin story that needs our attention so that we can pivot.
We cannot have authentic connection and attachment if we are abandoning ourselves.
It just won’t work that way.
So if the above is landing for you, begin to consider your origin story around being abandoned.
Explore expectations around relationships.
What do you believe is your partners responsibility with you and vice versa?
What does abandoning yourself feel like?
How have you reasoned that away?
What do you believe being chosen will heal in you?
I don’t want to hear what you believe
I’m not at all interested in your certainty
I couldn’t care less about
your unexcelled perfection
Share with me your doubts
Open up your tender heart
Let me in to your struggles
I’ll meet you in that place
Where your spiritual conclusions
Are starting to crack open
That’s where the creativity lies
That’s where the newness shines
That’s where we can truly meet:
Beyond the image
Are so perfect
In this light
I don’t want you to be perfect
I want you to be real
Nothing more dangerous
than a person who healed himself
with the help of nobody.
If you can rise up
from the shit they left you in,
there’s no MF out there
who can tell you shit.
Speaking from experience.
That’s the truth.